Weight Loss Help

I’m Fat, Not Invisible
By Mary Ann Senatore (Weight Losing Friend)

     To date I have lost 61 of the 84 pounds needed to achieve my goal weight. As I post a new article, I will also give you updates on my weight loss, and setbacks if they happen.  We truly are in this together.
     Losing weight has given me a perspective on being overweight and also the treatment of overweight individuals pre and post weight loss and change. If you are or were an overweight person, I hope you will find my thoughts comforting as well as amusing and insightful. If you have never been overweight, I hope you will be able to see a perspective of what another person’s life might be like. Finally, if you are the spouse, significant other or a family member of an overweight person, I sincerely hope you will come away with a new awareness of your loved one.

 

Getting Started

         You might say that it is difficult to lose weight, make lifestyle changes, have a career, take care of children and a home, and endure life’s curves. I absolutely share this feeling. However, time is going to pass regardless of what we eat. The quick fix of wanting to lose weight tomorrow is ever present and when I stepped on the scale for a reality check, I knew my time of “can’t do” had ended. I couldn’t think of having to lose 84 pounds because the thought simply overwhelmed me. I gave myself one last fling with Ben and Jerry’s Phishfood and woke up the next day with an “I can” attitude.

      I made up my mind and was determined. I researched three weight loss programs and made my selection. I began to measure my life in weekly increments and one meal at a time. I took the idea of the entire 84 pounds out of my head and concentrated on 5 pounds at a time. The first week, the scale moved and each week I looked forward to the anticipation of spending time with my new friend- the scale. Like all good friends, the scale will always tell me something about myself. Sometimes my friend the scale made me take a step back and realize a disappointment and sometimes my friend the scale gave me such joy that I simply wanted to go shopping to try on clothes.

 

Friends and Enemies

     I will admit as each pound came off the feeling of defeat diminished and I began to crave inspiration instead of chocolate. The real inspiration did come from a man, my doctor. The day I went to the doctor and my blood work was described as perfect was a day I will never forget. I am a non-insulin dependent diabetic and being newly diagnosed with diabetes was the push I needed to lose weight.

     I am in control and I needed to believe that more than anything. In the past weight loss attempts and regains occurred because I was losing weight for everyone except the one person who mattered and that is me.

     To all who know someone who has gained weight, I would like to ask you if you are the exact same person as before. We all change of course, but do you love a number on a scale or are you in love with a breathing, flesh and blood person?

 

     Every woman wants to be made to feel that she is sexy, appreciated, and attractive. Does gained weight mean unappreciated, unattractive, and not sexy? Have you, as a husband, stopped looking at her with the same anticipation and desire that you had years ago because of a few pounds?

 

     Is it your fault that she gained weight? No of course not. We all have control over what we put into our mouths, but you do have far more power than you think as the spouse of someone who has gained weight. Of course you’re concerend for her health, but the big picture is noticing her. Has her weight gain made her seem invisiable to you? Think about it!

 

     Men, staring at other women in front of her will surely make her question her femininity, and attractiveness. Buying lingerie when she is uncomfortable about her body will also make her run in the other direction. The idea of sexy lingerie has to be her’s when she’s ready and comfortable to wear it.

     There are so many beautiful and sexy things for overweight women to wear, if you must buy her something to wear, make sure it’s the right size, and always tell her that you can’t wait to see her in it. Make sure there is a special night out invitation as she opens the garment. If you did purchase lingerie, tell her that you will be thinking wild thoughts of her as you are together in the movie and cannot wait until you get home.

 

     Ladies, do you feel unattractive because you gained weight and these feelings are reflected in how you interact with your husband or significant other? If you believe we get what we give and you’re feeling unattractive, what will you get in return? Why does a number on the scale influence our feelings of appreciation?

 

     If you think you can’t lose weight, you probably won’t. If you say that you can lose 5 pounds, you will. Think about it! Five pounds! It may not be all the weight you need to lose, but each journey starts with one step. The first step is on the scale, the second step is ONLY 5 pounds away. During our journey, we will need encouragement, and we will begin to receive compliments. These two emotions and experiences will affect our success. It is up to us how we handle these.

 

Encouragement and Support

     If you are out for a meal with a person that is dieting and they make an unhealthy choice for their meal, let it go. The dieting person is in control and needs to feel that at all times. If they choose to make a poor food choice that is their choice. Enjoy one another and time that you spend together for an evening out. If you point poor choices, it will certainly put a damper on the evening.

     Instead, treat the dieter like a person and not as a person on a diet, If your dieting companion changes their entrée choice it will be because they chose to and not because they were made to feel guilty to change it. Sometimes when managing one’s weight; a food blow out is needed. Perhaps it is to celebrate, break a plateau, or just to satisfy an urge. If the dieter is forced into a salad when they really want a steak, the urge isn’t satisfied, and the search for food satisfaction continues.

 

     Weight loss is a personal battle that can only be won by one person. Support from family, friends, and loved ones is so important. If you have ever had to change something about yourself, think of what you needed to do it. Managing weight and changing eating habits while getting through a hectic day is difficult.

 

 

Compliments

     If one more person would have said to me when I was overweight that I had such a pretty face I was going to scream. This is such an insult when you think about it. The follow up thought that every overweight person thinks when they are complimented on their beautiful face is that the rest of them is a failure.

 

      If you know someone who is losing weight, and the loss is visible, you can be encouraging and complimentary, but please do not put them on the spot by asking how many more pounds they have to go. Gaining weight is overwhelming and can make someone feel like a failure. Noticing is such a positive reinforcement, but asking how much more weight is needed to lose will only put the person right back in the failure zone.

 

     If you noticed a weight loss, simply tell them that you noticed and that they look very nice. The response will probably be thank you. If the person offers more details by all means listen,  engage in the conversation, but take your ques from them. A new body and recognition is as new for them as it is for you.

 

     I was told that when I reached the halfway mark of the number of pounds I needed to lose, I would start to be noticed. Truer words were never spoken. At just about the 40 pound mark, it was as if I suddenly became visible.

 

 

     As the weight came off I constantly felt different emotions. As I thought  about my pre weight loss invisibility, I started to feel like I was not good enough before I lost 40, 50, and 60 pounds and that was very disheartening. Overweight people have many characteristics, but the truth is that we are people. We laugh, cry, and have compassion and feelings just like everyone else. Just because we’re fat, we are not invisible.

 

Mary Ann, Your Weight Losing Friend

 

Filed under: Confidence, Exercise, Weight Loss Help