Recently, I was waiting for a friend of mine to meet me. I had arrived a few minutes early. A very nice looking gentleman walked over to where I was and was on his cell phone talking with the use of a Bluetooth. At first he looked like we all do when we use them, as if he was talking to himself and soon I realized he was telling his friend whom he was meeting that he had arrived at TGI Friday’s.

A young girl walked toward the entrance. This young girl was in her twenties, wearing shorts that were very tight, and her appearance was sloppy. This young woman was overweight, thighs rubbing, stomach rolls showing, and her butt crack was showing.

Friend, I will be honest, I felt sorry for this young lady, but what happened next shocked me. The gentleman was clearly having a business conversation. He stopped his business conversation and said that he “Has just seen the reason why fat people should be shot.”  He went on to describe the young lady that had just walked by and added the comment that “she had enough blubber on her that a whale would be jealous.”

By his appearance and from the conversation that I could hear, my first impression was that this was an educated business man. Once he interrupted his business conversation to make this terrible comment, that impression quickly changed to one of jerk, pinhead, and even mean.

He knew nothing about this young lady, but was quick to make hurtful, mean, and insensitive comments. I know there are those that might say that she “deserved” it because she dressed that way. What pressure is there on young people to dress like everyone else?

Young people are all about fitting in. The fact that she would wear a pair of shorts like that indicates that she either doesn’t care about her appearance, or that she simply wants to fit in. Either way, did she deserve those comments?  For him, once he made the blubber comment, I turned me head in his direction and just gave him a rather disapproving look. He quickly changed his conversation back to one of business.

My friend called to give me an update on her location and the person he was meeting showed up. The irony was that the young lady in the shorts was actually a TGI Friday’s waitress. Clearly she changed for work when she arrived and she was wearing the “standard” Friday’s attire. She looked like every other Friday’s staff members and her service was excellent. She just happened to be the waitress that my friend and I had. Her smile was friendly,  her attitude was inviting, and her meal suggestion was an excellent choice.

Friends, what do you think? Were his comments cruel and out of line? What would you have done under the same circumstances? I must admit that I do have the nagging feeling that I cannot let go of that I should have said something to him.

On the other hand, this young lady, although an excellent waitress was overweight. She did comment about going to school. She actually is interested in a CSI career and has another year of school left, so there’s ambition, purpose and direction in her goal. Working in Friday’s must be very tempting as far as the food is concerned, and with the schedule demands of work and school, I can relate to dieting not being easy.

The path to weight loss is not an easy one. It takes determination and focus. Right now, for this young lady, to take on losing weight and school, while working is a tremendous task. Am I making excuses for her? Not at all!

I agree, it isn’t easy. I wondered how she would have felt if she knew of the comments that were made about her just before she got to work.

Friends, we can all make a list of reasons why weight loss is difficult or why we cannot do it right now, but the longer we put it off, the harder it becomes. Remember each journey begins with a first step. Let me take the journey with you.

In March, we are going to talk about how we can turn our favorite foods in healthy and low fat recipes.

See you soon,

Mary Ann

By Mary Ann Senatore (your weight loss friend)

It is here, the New Year.  Have you made a weight loss resolution? The holidays are over, we are recovering from ham, turkey, and cheesecake, and now we want to lose weight. There are so many advertisements for programs, equipment, and quick fix solutions to fat busting, how can we possibly make a choice.

What are you looking for? A quick fix or a lifestyle change? Do you want to lose 5 pounds or 100 pounds? Once you reach your goal, can you live with your choice and maintain your weight? Is your choice a healthy one? Are you considering surgery? Do you hate to exercise?

If you are feeling overwhelmed, you are not alone. I am five pounds away from my goal weight and the journey has been a long one with some weight gains along the way. Did my “diet” fail when I gained weight? No, it didn’t, what failed was my attitude toward change. As I confessed when I took a trip to Vegas in 2009, I came home with great memories, one hundred dollars left of my gambling money, and six pounds. Did I think I could eat at the buffet including dessert for five days and not gain weight? I would be silly if I did!

The fear of gain back can be defeating. Whatever weight loss plan you choose, if there is one thing to keep in mind, it is the question-Can I live with this plan?

Can you stay on a plan that includes prepackaged foods for the rest of your life? I suppose anything is possible, but I am not sure if it would be practical or healthy. Can you go from your current eating habits to a cookie diet and expect a positive outcome that will be with you in twenty years? As much as you might love cookes, I doubt it. If you are like me and grew up in an Italian home, can you really give up carbs forever? Eliminating carbs for a short while might work, but I know for myself, life without baked ziti is impossible.

Every weight loss plan has a success rate, but if there is one thing I would encourage you to research, it is the plan to maintain. After working this hard to lose 85 pounds, I never want to gain weight back. Weight gain has a nasty way of creeping up on us and two pounds today quickly turns to 20 pounds before we know it.

I know when you are choosing your plan for success the idea of maintaining is far away from goal. The first focus is results, but what good are those results if we cannot maintain them?

I believe in a plan with healthy choices, and behavior modifications. Our unhealthy eating habits is what got us here in the first place, so if we do not change those habits, the weight will come back. Of course whatever plan you choose, the one person you should seek advice from is your doctor.

A good start to losing weight is getting baseline labwork and a complete physical. Weight loss is more than a number on a scale, Knowing such things as our cholesterol, blood sugar, and BMI (body mass index) are a baseline for progress.

Once you have chosen a plan, setting a goal will keep our focus. Do you have a wedding, vacation, or reunion coming up? Do you have more than twenty pounds to lose and your goal is overwhelming to think about? If we think about the long term number on the scale, we will probably make ourselves crazy. Set small goals and be realistic. Five pounds is probably a good goal to think about, even if you need to lose one hundred pounds.  Like any journey, the trip has a beginning.

If you have ever driven from New York to Florida, you probably have stopped overnight in South Carolina. The drive is long, stops need to be made for gas, food, and of course restroom. All of those stops are goals that are planned into the trip. Our car needs gas, our bodies need food and of course our bladder needs emptying.

As we set our food and fuel goals for the trip, we can set our weight loss goals. Five pounds turns to ten, ten turns to fifteen and eventually the pants that were tight become loose, all by setting small goals.

One last thing to keep in mind. We all know our bodies, we see ourselves every day. We will be the first one to notice our loss. Clothes will begin to fit better, activities will become easier, and our strength will increase, but recognition is a wonderful encouragement. As you progress on your journey, keep one thing in mind. Our family, friends, and coworkers see us every day. We know the number of pounds we have lost, but a good rule of thumb is half our weight loss is usually the start of recognition. If you have sixty pounds to lose, at about the thirty pound goal, you will probably start to hear that ever encouraging quesiton-Have you lost weight? There it is! The recogntion that something is different about you. The question might come as, Have you changed your hair? or Is that a new sweater? The people that see us every day know there is something different about us but they can’t put thier finger on it. We know what is new about us, and the day of recognition is a wonderful milestone in our journey.

I wish you all a healthy, happy and safe new year. I look forward to continuing on this journey with you as I approach my goal weight. I will leave you with one final thought as we hear the chocolate chip cookies calling our name- Nothing tastes as good as thin and healthy feels!

by Mary Ann Senatore (your weight loss friend)

Hello all,

I am nearly at goal weight. I have about 8 pounds left and today is Halloween. What happens on Halloween? We get haunted by the candy goblins. Some people are not even frightened by the goblins, but others are terrified and I admit to having the candy fear.

What is the best thing to do when we need to face a fear? Be like NIKE, and just do it. How? Weight simple basics. Before we learn to read, we must learn the alphabet. Why not apply the ABC’s to keeping us focused during the holiday season. We all know it starts with Halloween and ends on New Years Day.

A-always stay focused (not always easy, but it can be done-and you are not alone)

B-be in control (once we take control, we can achieve anything)

C-consider alternatives (instead of chips, reach for pretzels)

D-decide in advance (we are more likely to stay on target if we plan our meals in advance)

E-eat small meals throught out the day (not allowing oursleves to get hungry)

F-find a friend (support is important)

G-go for a walk (exercise is important for all of us-start slow-but stay focused)

H-have a plan (if necessary, make an appointment with yourself, just like the doctor, dentist or salon)

I-include family members (once they know what you are doing, they can help)

J-just do it (JDI) what are you waiting for?

K-keep a diary (write down your meals, feelings, successful and not so successful days)

L-look for new foods (just because we are losing weight, our foods don’t have to be boring)

M-make meals special (use the good dishes, treat yourself like a guest)

N-no punishments (if you gain weight, its done and move on, tomorrow is just a sleep away)

O-oh how good it feels! (when we put on a smaller size and it fits)

P-put “trigger” foods out of reach (out of sight out of mind)

Q-quick fixes are not reality (fad diets don’t work)

R-reward yourself when you attain a goal (buy a new lipstick or video game just for yourself)

S-sugar substitutes can have flavor (flavored sweetner to give coffee a new pizzazz)

T-take time for yourself (we all take care of everyone, but leave little time for ourselves)

U-undo bad habits (easier said than done, but so worth it as we step toward success)

V-variety will keep you focused (being bored with food leads to failure)

W-want it (we will never achieve a goal unless we want it to happen)

X-eXamine the reasons why we eat (stress, hunger, boredom to name a few)

Y-You (losing weight for anyone buy yourself is just silly-do it for yourself)

Z-ZA! ZA! ZOO! (there is no better feeling than knowing you have succeeded)

Go through those candy bags, allow 5 pieces of candy and give the rest away. The office candy jar is a good place provided the candy jar is not on your desk. Rent a scary movie and make popcorn instead!

Happy Halloween and I look forward to hearing your success tips for holiday success.

Your Friend,

Mary Ann

     by Mary Ann Senatore (your weight loss friend)

Hello all,

     Last month I admitted to gaining some weight back and this month I am once again on the road to success. I have lost (relost) 5 pounds. I have 6 more to lose and the total gain will be gone. Thank you all for your support. The relose is always slower the second time around, isn’t it?

     This month, I would like to ask all readers these questions. Can we ever look at larger women as just women? Why do we need to label a woman by size? Does the possibility exist that we love someone more by the pound? Is overweight a sign of poor decision making abilities?

     While watching TV the other night, I could not believe the preview for a new TV show. The premise is plus size women competing for the affections of one man.

     I started to think about what more of me to love meant and I pondered the idea that if a woman weighs 100lbs, the love she is given is 100 proof, however if a woman weighs 200lbs then the love she is given is 200 proof. If this is the case then why do we strive to lose weight when the stronger proof is clearly the more potent and the more desired, isn’t it?

     Thinking a bit more I also wondered why women who are more than what the “average” weight should be are described as plus, or large, or their sizes are described as extended. Why do we feel the need to label someone who is “above average” in such a derogatory way? Isn’t above average looked upon as a good thing?

     We look at a woman’s eye color, hair color, height, shoe size, ring size and smiles and recognize the differences but when it comes to size we use labels such as petit, average and plus. Based on the more of me to love premise, the plus size women are loved more. I wonder how the petit and average size women are feeling right now. Has anyone ever said to a size 4 woman that she would be given more love if she was a size 24? I don’t think so!

     If we are equating weight to the amount of affection we can be given then what is next? All women with size 9 or above feet will be charged an extra fee for a pedicure? All women with a ring size of 8 or more will have to pay for 2 rings when they only want to buy 1?

     Clearly a woman’s weight and the affection she is given do not have a connection but we continue to label and define a woman by her size. Plus size women find it difficult to be taken serious, as if the ability to control one’s weight reflects the ability to make intelligent decisions. I realize the choice between ice cream and celery is a difficult one, but if ice cream is chosen does this mean a woman will make a poor business decision? Does this mean that only women who eat celery can make good business decisions? Once again, I think we realize a good business mind does not stem from ice cream or celery choices. So why is weight an obstacle to recognizing the valuable contribution a woman can make?

     Overweight women face these feelings and many more every day. The desire to lose weight is as individual as finger prints or eye color. The desire may be there, but perception, image, and feelings are also part of weight loss success.

     I would like to leave you with this thought: The next time you see an overweight person; can you just see a person? Can you look past the weight? Can you just notice that there is a person in line or on the elevator and not see size?

As always, your friend in the weight loss journey,

Mary Ann

By Mary Ann Senatore (Your weight loss/gain friend)

Hello all!

     I must admit to being human. I hurt my back and it was necessary to have a course of epidural steroid injections. If you have ever had steroids you will know that your appetite does increase and you probably took on a very round face look.

     I have gained over the course of two months, about 6 pounds. I am eating all the right foods, and if you are familiar with Weight Watchers, you know that there are 35 flex points available every week. I will tell you all that I flexed each week during the six weeks of injections.

     The first week that I got on the scale and realized a gain, I could easily justify the gain because of not only the steroids, but a serious lack of exercise. I walk at least 5 days a week and with the pain in my back and legs walking was difficult and there were even weeks that I didn’t move at all. Adding the additional food points contributed to my weight gain.

     I made good choices with my food selections; however I was eating more than I was exercising. After the second injection and another gain on the scale, justification was diminishing and pity was taking over. Of course I did not gain back all 65lbs, but the feeling that I failed did take over. What did I fail at? I was in pain, could barely function, and felt like I was working overtime to control my appetite. All of this and then another gain at the scale was enough to make me want to run to the ice cream isle.

     But, here’s the question. If I had eaten my one weakness food (Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food), what would that have done? Would the ice cream and delicious chocolate shaped fish make my back feel better? Would all of that fat and calories take the pain away and give me my ability to take my daily walks? No! Of course not, but I was down on myself.

     Regardless of what the reason for a weight gain, should we give ourselves license to a genuine pity party? I think we all know the answer to that is no, but where was the control?  Who or what was in control? Was I in control even though there were circumstances that I could not change? Or had I lost control because I was up against odds that were not in my favor?

     I was in control and as I have said many times, It is what it is! I could not change the pain in my back, or the increased appetite, or the lack of exercise, but I could control my food. Control is exactly what I did. Giving into a chocolate splurge would have been easy, and I have come too far for that. Looking back and now that the injections are over, and I can exercise again, I feel good about the outcome.

     Sure, I’m now doing weight loss the sequel for the 6 gained pounds and getting back to eating less food without the comfort zone of the flex points is getting easier, but how would I feel if I did eat ice cream for comfort? 

     So many things control our emotions, such the kind of day we have at work or home with children, getting good or bad news, watching the news and seeing coverage of either a tragic or happy event, or simply the feeling of defeat.  Sometimes we do not even have control of our emotions and we cannot explain why (and this is not just a female thing).  

     What can we control? Our food! We may want to cry or laugh in response to something, and we allow our bodies to experience that, but is the food actually calling us? Sometimes I can almost hear the ice cream isle say my name, but then I quickly make a shopping cart U-Turn and now I can hear the healthy snacks calling me. It is funny how the ice cream isle is so much more vocal and can be heard much louder than the isle where the healthy and organic snacks are.  It must the acoustics in the freezer!

     Are you in control? Yes you are, no matter what. Can you avoid giving in?  Yes you can. While we cannot stop ourselves from feeling the emotions we are feeling we can stop our indulgence with food. I’m human and going through the same ups and downs just like everyone else. I lose, and I gain and as Frank Sinatra sang, I just pick myself up and get back in the race.

     Tell me about your temptation and what you did to avoid it. I know our readers would benefit from the suggestions. Is temptation and giving into emotion part of life? Yes it always will be, but when we have strength and control, nothing can stop us!

Your friend always,

Mary Ann

By Mary Ann Senatore

Your Weight Losing Friend!

Hello All! Its me, Mary Ann and before I explain It is what it is, I just want to say that my trip to Vegas was absolutely fabulous. The hotel was wonderful, and Cher was spectacular!

It is what it is means that if something has happens that we cannot change, then it simply is what it is. What can be done about something that cannot be changed? Do we regret it? Do we dwell on it? Do we seek out alternative solutions? Do we simply accept it? Or, do we learn from it?

I am talking about not only weight loss this month, but something that happens to all of us, and that is weight gain. In my first article, I mentioned a new friend, the scale. Who is going to tell you honestly that you have gained weight? A true friend. The scale is our friend, and sometimes that friend tells us of a gain.

No one likes to see the scale go up, but horomones, medications, injury, lack of exercise, or simply an all out eating binge will eventually catch up to us and the scale will never lie to us. But, is a gain a reason to give up? Of course not! 

Recently, an article about a celebrity who gained weight was published and references such as fall of the wagon and failure were made. Fall off the wagon? This was one question I could not understand. Failure was also a concept that escaped me. Of course it is a set back when we gain, but once we see a 5, 7 or 10 pund gain, it is then that we need to regroup.

We all know that losing weight is not easy, so when something is so difficult, do we want to do it again? I will be honest, I did gain 6lbs when I returned from Vegas.  I was on vacation and I was there to enjoy myself, and the food expiernece was part of the trip. Do I eat like that “normally?” Of course not! When I returned home, I faced the scale, and pulled out my Weight Watchers week 1 book and rediscovered my excitment about the program.

I didn’t gain back all 63 pounds, I gained 6lbs. I knew why it happened, and expected to see a gain. I knew when I got back from the trip that I would have to really discipline myself, and I did.

Do I love chocolate as much as I always did? Of course I do, but now, I have learned how to make choices and be in control. The key words are choices and control. I was in control in Vegas, and I knew what to expect when I got home. I made choices at meal time so that I could enjoy desserts, but, as soon as the trip was over, so were the desserts.

Before the weight gain spins out of control, catch it, make smart choices. It is what it is because the weight gain has happened, but learn from it, know why you gained, and then as Frank Sinatra says, pick yourself up and get back in the race. That’s life! Your life! As each 5lb weight loss is a milestone, each 5lb weight gain is a small set back. We have the ability to make choices and take control before the small set back turns into a mountain we can’t climb.

As always I am in this with you,

Your Friend, Mary Ann

Does Weight = Worth?

Hello all,
Before I tell you about something that happened to me recently, I want to tell you that on April 23rd, I am taking a trip to Las Vegas. I am taking my mom for her 75th birthday and if you have never been to Vegas, it should be on your “bucket list” for sure.

I purchased a stunning red dress, and when I bought it, I will admit, it was a bit snug. I am down a total of 65 pounds, with 20 left to go, and the now dress fits like it was made for me and I will certainly be taking it on my trip.

I hung the dress outside the closet and every day I was reminded of my goal to wear the dress when we see Cher in concert. I certainly think setting small goals make weight loss so much more attainable and realistic. I believe the best goals can be achieved in five pound increments.

I ask this question because of something that happened to me recently. I was flying back to Florida and the airline was asking for one volunteer to take a later flight so that a family could fly together. My plans were very flexible and I was able to make the switch. As I approached the counter, a woman a bit older than I am, shorter in height, and overweight approached ahead of me.

The gentleman behind the desk was in his 30’s and he looked over the woman in front of me and asked me if he could help me. I indicated that the other woman was there first and she said that she would be willing to switch her flight.

I was wearing a brand new pair of smaller size jeans, a t-shirt, sandals and sporting a new hair cut. I will admit, I felt good about myself and when we feel good, we of course project confidence.

Once I heard that she was willing to change her flight, I stepped back and what happened next was a shocking surprise. The young man once again looked over her, directly at me and said that he could help me. He had not even spoken to the other woman, and I clearly had a look of surprise on my face. She just looked down and started to walk away.

I had to laugh to myself because he had no way of knowing that about a year ago, I was her size, if not bigger. However, as I looked at my cell phone for the time, I said that I believed the other woman was before me and that she is willing to switch. I went on to say that I didn’t realize how far behind the other flight would put me, so I will keep my flight, and to please let the other passenger make the switch.

She looked at me and smiled. She completed her switch and the counter person barely spoke to her while making the transaction. He did not look at her as he completed the necessary paper work and as he thanked her, he only made eye contact with her for a second.

Once she was finished, she walked to her seat and as she passed me, she said thank you. I smiled and had very mixed emotions about what happened.

Was I having to much ego? Was I seeing a difference of treatment because of size? Was I wrong? Was I right? How did she feel? Does being overweight give people a license to treat us like we do not have worth? As I pondered these questions on my flight home I could relate to how she felt, but could not comprehend his actions. Have we become so appearance driven that the more pounds we are the less worth we are shown?

Weight Is Not Worth

I have a friend who met a wonderful man on line. She has been my weight watcher partner and each week we “compete” for who lost more that week. She has been in a loving, caring, and fulfilling relationship with her on line love for five years. When they met, she had lost 50 of the 150 pounds she needed to lose, however with a new 50 pound confidence level; she put a profile on line.

She corresponded with him for about three weeks and got to know the true essence of him before ever physically meeting him. In this time while they corresponded they exchanged ideas, beliefs, opinions, feelings, and descriptions of themselves as well as pictures. She told him of her weight loss success thus far and also of her eventual goal. His reply was that he didn’t find skinny women attractive and that he already liked her personality so there was nothing to worry about.

Those words were like magic to her ears and she decided to go for it and meet him. She figured what was the worst that could happen, after all it was just dinner. As he approached her when he stepped out of his car, she said that a feeling came over her like none other.

BAM! It was love at first sight and at nearly 50 years old, she could not believe what she was feeling. Dinner lasted two hours and that was the beginning of an amazing relationship.

In the five years she has known him, there are two things she says that have been consistent in their relationship. She is grateful for the time they corresponded before they met and she got to know him before seeing him. She felt she knew him before she met him. She says that writing to someone is so much easier than saying things sometimes and she knew that she was so much more open, confident and relaxed in email than in person. These feelings she says were because of her weight at the time.

As time went by and they got to know each other physically, mentally and spiritually, she also says that he has never made her feel fat. She says that she has always been confident that he loves her for who she is and not for her number on the scale. To him, who she is, and not what she weighs gives her worth.

As you set and achieve your goals, think of your own worth, and what feeling of confidence you want to portray. You can lose weight; you can achieve your goals, and don’t let anyone stand in your way.

Your Weight Loss Friend,
Mary Ann
Wish me luck in Vegas!

     To date I have lost 61 of the 84 pounds needed to achieve my goal weight. As I post a new article, I will also give you updates on my weight loss, and setbacks if they happen.  We truly are in this together.
     Losing weight has given me a perspective on being overweight and also the treatment of overweight individuals pre and post weight loss and change. If you are or were an overweight person, I hope you will find my thoughts comforting as well as amusing and insightful. If you have never been overweight, I hope you will be able to see a perspective of what another person’s life might be like. Finally, if you are the spouse, significant other or a family member of an overweight person, I sincerely hope you will come away with a new awareness of your loved one.

Getting Started

         You might say that it is difficult to lose weight, make lifestyle changes, have a career, take care of children and a home, and endure life’s curves. I absolutely share this feeling. However, time is going to pass regardless of what we eat. The quick fix of wanting to lose weight tomorrow is ever present and when I stepped on the scale for a reality check, I knew my time of “can’t do” had ended. I couldn’t think of having to lose 84 pounds because the thought simply overwhelmed me. I gave myself one last fling with Ben and Jerry’s Phishfood and woke up the next day with an “I can” attitude.

      I made up my mind and was determined. I researched three weight loss programs and made my selection. I began to measure my life in weekly increments and one meal at a time. I took the idea of the entire 84 pounds out of my head and concentrated on 5 pounds at a time. The first week, the scale moved and each week I looked forward to the anticipation of spending time with my new friend- the scale. Like all good friends, the scale will always tell me something about myself. Sometimes my friend the scale made me take a step back and realize a disappointment and sometimes my friend the scale gave me such joy that I simply wanted to go shopping to try on clothes.

Friends and Enemies

     I will admit as each pound came off the feeling of defeat diminished and I began to crave inspiration instead of chocolate. The real inspiration did come from a man, my doctor. The day I went to the doctor and my blood work was described as perfect was a day I will never forget. I am a non-insulin dependent diabetic and being newly diagnosed with diabetes was the push I needed to lose weight.

     I am in control and I needed to believe that more than anything. In the past weight loss attempts and regains occurred because I was losing weight for everyone except the one person who mattered and that is me.

     To all who know someone who has gained weight, I would like to ask you if you are the exact same person as before. We all change of course, but do you love a number on a scale or are you in love with a breathing, flesh and blood person?

     Every woman wants to be made to feel that she is sexy, appreciated, and attractive. Does gained weight mean unappreciated, unattractive, and not sexy? Have you, as a husband, stopped looking at her with the same anticipation and desire that you had years ago because of a few pounds?

     Is it your fault that she gained weight? No of course not. We all have control over what we put into our mouths, but you do have far more power than you think as the spouse of someone who has gained weight. Of course you’re concerend for her health, but the big picture is noticing her. Has her weight gain made her seem invisiable to you? Think about it!

     Men, staring at other women in front of her will surely make her question her femininity, and attractiveness. Buying lingerie when she is uncomfortable about her body will also make her run in the other direction. The idea of sexy lingerie has to be her’s when she’s ready and comfortable to wear it.

     There are so many beautiful and sexy things for overweight women to wear, if you must buy her something to wear, make sure it’s the right size, and always tell her that you can’t wait to see her in it. Make sure there is a special night out invitation as she opens the garment. If you did purchase lingerie, tell her that you will be thinking wild thoughts of her as you are together in the movie and cannot wait until you get home.

     Ladies, do you feel unattractive because you gained weight and these feelings are reflected in how you interact with your husband or significant other? If you believe we get what we give and you’re feeling unattractive, what will you get in return? Why does a number on the scale influence our feelings of appreciation?

     If you think you can’t lose weight, you probably won’t. If you say that you can lose 5 pounds, you will. Think about it! Five pounds! It may not be all the weight you need to lose, but each journey starts with one step. The first step is on the scale, the second step is ONLY 5 pounds away. During our journey, we will need encouragement, and we will begin to receive compliments. These two emotions and experiences will affect our success. It is up to us how we handle these.

Encouragement and Support

     If you are out for a meal with a person that is dieting and they make an unhealthy choice for their meal, let it go. The dieting person is in control and needs to feel that at all times. If they choose to make a poor food choice that is their choice. Enjoy one another and time that you spend together for an evening out. If you point poor choices, it will certainly put a damper on the evening.

     Instead, treat the dieter like a person and not as a person on a diet, If your dieting companion changes their entrée choice it will be because they chose to and not because they were made to feel guilty to change it. Sometimes when managing one’s weight; a food blow out is needed. Perhaps it is to celebrate, break a plateau, or just to satisfy an urge. If the dieter is forced into a salad when they really want a steak, the urge isn’t satisfied, and the search for food satisfaction continues.

     Weight loss is a personal battle that can only be won by one person. Support from family, friends, and loved ones is so important. If you have ever had to change something about yourself, think of what you needed to do it. Managing weight and changing eating habits while getting through a hectic day is difficult.

Compliments

     If one more person would have said to me when I was overweight that I had such a pretty face I was going to scream. This is such an insult when you think about it. The follow up thought that every overweight person thinks when they are complimented on their beautiful face is that the rest of them is a failure.

      If you know someone who is losing weight, and the loss is visible, you can be encouraging and complimentary, but please do not put them on the spot by asking how many more pounds they have to go. Gaining weight is overwhelming and can make someone feel like a failure. Noticing is such a positive reinforcement, but asking how much more weight is needed to lose will only put the person right back in the failure zone.

     If you noticed a weight loss, simply tell them that you noticed and that they look very nice. The response will probably be thank you. If the person offers more details by all means listen,  engage in the conversation, but take your ques from them. A new body and recognition is as new for them as it is for you.

     I was told that when I reached the halfway mark of the number of pounds I needed to lose, I would start to be noticed. Truer words were never spoken. At just about the 40 pound mark, it was as if I suddenly became visible.

     As the weight came off I constantly felt different emotions. As I thought  about my pre weight loss invisibility, I started to feel like I was not good enough before I lost 40, 50, and 60 pounds and that was very disheartening. Overweight people have many characteristics, but the truth is that we are people. We laugh, cry, and have compassion and feelings just like everyone else. Just because we’re fat, we are not invisible.

Mary Ann, Your Weight Losing Friend